class action (steven b frank): a review

 Class Action (a review)

rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

(prospective readers should be aware that this review contains spoilers)

THIS BOOK WAS AMAZING. I LOVED IT. IT WAS AS IF IT WAS WRITTEN SPECIFICALLY FOR ME. OR POSSIBLY AS SATIRE OF ME. THIS IS GOING TO BE AN EXTREMELY EXHAUSTIVE AND IN DEPTH REVIEW OF A MIDDLE GRADE NOVEL THAT I HIGHLY DOUBT ANY OF YOU WILL EVER READ. YOU ARE ALL GOING TO WISH YOU HAD NEVER MET ME.

The premise of Class Action is epic and god-tier. Our adolescent protagonist, Sam, is not a fan of homework. I can relate to this, and you probably can, too. Although he is ordinarily an upstanding public school student, Sam eventually becomes fed up with homework (same) and exercises his first amendment rights by leading an impromptu anti-homework protest, for which he is suspended. He then learns from his neighbor (a retired lawyer) that he has a right to an education and cannot be suspended without a hearing pursuant to Goss v. Lopez. He starts advocating for himself and his constitutional rights and learns more about students' rights and the justice system.

This by itself would be a fantastic book. But it does not end there. Along with his friends (Alistair, Catalina, and Jaesung), the aforementioned neighbor (Mr. Kalman), his sister (Sadie), and his sister's boyfriend who exists for some reason (Sean), Sam decides to sue his school district on the grounds that homework is unconstitutional (something I have been saying for years!). He raises money for this lawsuit by selling school projects to students and then loses twice in federal court before bringing his case to the U.S. Supreme Court (and winning!).

Class Action is like wish fulfillment fanfiction for a very specific type of person (anti-homework Supreme Court/constitutional law fans) and I love it. None of this would ever happen in real life. I don't care. I strongly suspect district courts and courts of appeals don't work like they do in this book. I don't care. I also don't think sixth graders talk like this, but I haven't been eleven for a while, so I can't say for sure. 

While I was reading this book, my main question was whether the justices of the Supreme Court were going to be mentioned by name. They aren't, but the author uses fake names for all of the justices and it's very clear which justice is which because the characters spend a good ten pages discussing the justices' personalities and backgrounds (they plan to use this information to help them formulate an argument, which is not really how one argues a case in court, but okay). It's fun. It's like easter eggs. The author mentions that fake Elena Kagan ("Eleanor Cohen") petitioned the rabbi of her Orthodox synagogue to let her have a ritual bat mitzvah akin to a bar mitzvah, and as Elena Kagan's #1 fan, I appreciated that aside. Those ten pages were just delightful. 

This book is wish fulfillment, and that's okay. There is, however, a limit to the amount of nonsense I will tolerate in a book, and the line was crossed by the way the Supreme Court oral argument occurred. It was just creative liberty after creative liberty. I was not entirely sure that the author of this book was familiar with how the Supreme Court works, but then I remembered that it is a children's book that is not required to be realistic. It's about a kid who argues in federal court that homework is unconstitutional. Still. Basically, Sam's lawyer injures himself because he is very old and his sister Sadie (a girlboss to end all girlbosses) has to argue the case instead, despite the fact that she is not a lawyer. After being admitted to the Supreme Court bar on the spot, she presents an argument that is basically a parade of horribles with some stuff about the Equal Protection Clause thrown in. The part about the Equal Protection Clause was good, actually. Then, the attorney for the school district disses several members of the court and suggests that fake Ruth Bader Ginsburg ("Rachel Braun Rosenburg") is too old and should retire (which was, in fairness, prescient, as this book was published in 2018). The transcript of the oral argument is ridiculous. It does not sound like an argument before the Supreme Court at all. The justices do not sound like themselves. This is not a valid complaint of a middle grade book, but it annoyed me all the same. 

Also, fake Clarence Thomas ("Clement Williams") sides with Sam et al, which is the single most unrealistic event that takes place throughout the whole book. Clarence Thomas thinks that students' rights are just whatever students were generally allowed to do in 1850s public schools, which is nothing. It's not like the decision was unanimous. It was 7-2. Fake Samuel Alito ("Stuart Renfro") dissented. It is not possible for Samuel Alito to be more hostile towards students' rights than Clarence Thomas is.

At the end of the day, though, none of these complaints are really important because Class Action is fundamentally a book about knowing your rights as a student, which is super cool. I know an above average amount about students' rights, and I learned some interesting stuff. I wasn't familiar with Goss v. Lopez, but I am now!  I actually have several Supreme Court cases to listen to now. I wouldn't recommend this book to the average student (the target audience is very specific), but I do think it's a pretty good way for someone who is vaguely interested in the subject to learn more.